There isn't always a positive outcome

This is a piece of a response to a friend whose husband died of cancer in December. While at a parade, the American Cancer Society was tossing t-shirts and she happened to get one that said "survivor," and it infuriated her. Can't blame her there. The shirt actually served to remind her that her husband did not survive, but she did and now has to go on without him. This did not inspire Pollyanna "the sun will come out tomorrow" feelings, it inspired sorrow and hopelessness. Maybe "that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger," but like any cliche, it also pisses you off.

I did say more than is written below but this is the only part that's relevant to the point I want to make.

My father gets the Stroke Connection magazine and he feels about it's approach the way you felt about the t-shirt. Not everyone survives cancer, and not everyone who has a stroke makes a full recovery and is able to go back to a productive life. While giving hope these organizations should also not be forgetting about the reality, about the people grieving the loved ones lost to cancer, about people grieving the functions lost to stroke.

Stroke Connection tends to focus on stories of people who have made good recoveries, in order to give new survivors hope, I think. In 2004, my father had a hemorrhagic stroke that affected the basal ganglion area of his brain. He did make some recovery, but he still walks very slowly and must use a walker. He never did get much function back in his right hand. He feels very bitter and disappointed. He wrote to Stroke Connection and told them that they should include stories about the other half of the people who had a stroke and did not have a miraculous recovery, who are enduring day to day. And I agree with him. The magazine is basically a good thing and he likes reading it, but he'd like to hear about more people like him who have to deal with being permanently quite handicapped.

I'm not trying to condemn the good works done by the American Cancer Society and the American Heart Association, just imparting a thought.

Hemorrhages on the Sclera

This is what my eye looks like right now. This actually isn't my very own eye, but, interestingly, the picture I found is the same color as my eyes. So, this is what my eye looks like right now.

This can happen from trauma, even trauma such as a really forceful cough, but in my case it happens spontaneously when I am very exhausted and/or under a lot of stress.

Today I told my son that if it weren't for the fact that I take B vitamins and eat meat, I would think I was anemic as exhausted as I was feeling. I slept most of the day away. (well, I do work nights...) Tonight when I saw myself in the mirror, my eye looked like this. Ah hell...

As for stresses, well, the financial ones never end. It's on my mind constantly.

The Chubby Curmudgeon Strikes Back

Here was my forum response to this article. I liked what poured out of my slimy little brain, so I'll repeat it!
I am a 43 year old person who has, sadly, put on quite a bit of weight over the last 15 years, in part due to admittedly less than perfect eating habits, in part due to medication and health conditions such as hypothyroidism and polycystic ovarian syndrome. However, I am no less healthy than my slimmer co-workers. I have only called in sick twice in the past three years. I had to go to the emergency room once a little over a year ago--for ear wax that was pressing against the ear drum and caused me vertigo and also a frightening blood pressure spike. Hypertension runs in my family, but it doesn't seem to have anything to do with weight. My brother, who is now 39, had to start taking blood pressure medication in his early 30's, and he is not overweight. My blood pressure is on the borderline and I'm watching it. But I still don't have to take medication for it yet. The medications I take are lithium for bipolar disorder (which does cause weight gain) and thyroid medication. I am also fairly active, so the myth that all heavy people do is sit around eating is just that--a myth. Most of the big people I have known have been hard-working folk. Rather than engaging in prejudiced behavior against one segment of the population, let us try to find a solution that works for everybody.

Terrible and Funny Tales From The E.R.

For a good time click here.

How Low Can You Go?

Does it get any lower than stealing from the poor and the elderly?

The people in the retirement community where I work like displaying decorations and knick-knacks on the doors and shelves outside their apartments. Usually nothing gets taken. But one lady likes to display wreaths on her door for various holidays. Her Valentine wreath had a bunch of tiny dolls among the decorative pink and white heart garland. Some lowlife clipped all the dolls from the wreath.
Why would anyone do that?
In another incident, a woman had been "working" retirement communities in the area. Our building is locked at night but during the day it is open. This woman came in, knocked on one of the residents' doors and pretended she was looking for someone, asking the resident if she could help. The perpetrator then said she was thirsty and asked for a glass of water. While the resident was getting the water, the woman stole her purse. She then proceeded to chat with the resident for a few more minutes before leaving. A few days later there were reports in the paper of similar incidents at other retirement homes.
None of this helped calm the unfortunate victim of this unsettling crime, who was an Austrian immigrant that had lived through the horrors of World War II. Her cognitive abilities were declining and that in itself was causing severe anxiety. The night after the incident she called me to her apartment. I talked to her for 20 minutes in an attempt to calm her but I fear I wasn't able to do much good. Then her abilities to care for herself at all began to decline. I'll never be sure how much of this was psychosomatic. She ended up in the hospital and from there was transferred to our facility's health care center. She never returned to her apartment, dying in the health care center a few months later. She completely shut down emotionally and her physical faculties followed.
Granted, "Gwenda's" short term memory was beginning to fail her, but before this incident she would walk around the building twice a day for exercise and every morning before I went home she would be there at the office for her medicines with a cheery "Gud Mornink, how are you?" After she was victimized, she became a terrified shell of herself. While she didn't say so, I'm sure that the invasion of her home brought back memories of a frightening time in her existence, perhaps some that she had repressed for years. Her drastic decline following her victimization was shocking and, I think, completely unnecessary.
Shame on those who victimize the most vulnerable so callously! But due to the fact that they have no conscience, I suppose that they feel no shame.

Virus Du Jour

There's some sort of ugly virus going around. It seems to mostly affect the upper respiratory system, particularly the throat, although there are signs that it might eventually move to the bronchi. I had an explosive, uncontrollable dry cough all day. I thought it was allergies. But tonight my throat became sore and I lost my voice. I also had a rasping wheeze for most of the night. When this disappeared it actually freaked me out a bit. I think this is due to the fact that 5.5 years ago I had pneumonia. The combination of the coughing and being on inhaled steroids for several months eventually caused a severe laryngospasm and I ended up in the emergency room with severe stridor. I tried to tell the ER attendants that my lungs were filling up just fine, it was my throat that was the problem (felt like breathing through a cocktail straw) but they treated as for asthma. The albuterol only made my throat tighten worse. I told them this was the case and they gave me epinephrine, which dilated the tissues and blood vessels, providing relief. It turns out that the tissues in my larynx were so irritated that the cold air caused my larynx to constrict. Although not as severe, tonight's sensations reminded me of that frightening incident and I started having a panic attack. Luckily I was able to to stop it using homeopathic and herbal means, in this case Hylands Calms Forte and Kava. I don't like to take Valium if at all possible. It makes me feel funny and kind of fuzzy. But I like going to the ER even less.
At this point I'm trying not to cough because it will only cause worse irritation to the tissues in my throat and unwanted choking sensations. At this point the cough is semi-productive although there isn't any discomfort in my lungs, i.e. bronchitis. So far I'm pretty sure this is a virus and not strep. My throat isn't that sore and I'm not running a fever.
If you find yourself having to cough constantly, particularly an explosive dry cough, do what I should have done and nip it in the bud with some cough syrup so your throat doesn't end up as irritated as I let mine become. Normally I let minor cold and cough run their course, but I would have been advised to stop this one. Now I need to allow my throat to heal and deal with the unsettling gagging sensations that come with having irritating the tissue with so much coughing.